My Sobriety Story

"Rock bottom" is different for everyone. Maybe it's getting a DWI or falling in your driveway immediately after getting out of an Uber and fracturing your ankle. Maybe it's waking up with a hangover once a week for an entire decade. Either way, when your rock bottom happens, you'll know.

And to be completely transparent, none of the above were my rock bottom, unfortunately.

Without getting into the nitty-gritty details or showing a before and after photo of myself, trust me when I say I knew exactly when it was time to press the reset button.

Simply put, I woke one Saturday morning feeling absolutely miserable. My first thought was, "This makes me feel bad, and I don't want to do it anymore." To top it off, some chronic pain issues— after years of improvement— magically resurfaced the same day.

I wanted to do anything and everything possible to avoid going down that road again.

While this approach isn't for everyone, I made a prompt decision to never drink alcohol or do ANYTHING to catch a buzz ever again. Then, I wrote the date on a tiny piece of paper and stuck it on my fridge with a magnet.

Was I scared and hesitant? Yes. Did I post an Instagram story about it three hours later? ...Yeah. Let me explain.

I'm not shy about posting on social media. Sure, I'm in my 40s now, but I genuinely enjoy doing it. Most of my content is about my house, vintage finds, and my dog, Norman. When I decided to enter the "sobriety realm" three and a half years ago, my brain needed all the accountability it could get.

So, I posted—vaguely— about my decision to quit everything. I immediately felt a sense of calm and ease. It gave me the momentum I needed to move forward. This "method" (if you want to call it that) worked for me as a starting point, but I totally understand why it's not for everyone.

Fun fact: Once I have something in my head, I'm really good at obsessing over it— good or bad. But surprisingly, I didn't overanalyze sobriety. I just knew that I didn't want to feel bad anymore, and if I changed my mind and made the wrong decisions again, I would, well, feel bad. That was enough to make me stop.

Life has a way of testing us when we're already down. The old saying "when it rains it pours" rings true for everyone.

Shortly after I decided to get sober, two of the worst things I could have ever imagined happened.

1. My 5-year-old Boston Terrier, Kennedy, suddenly passed away over the weekend. In front of me in my living room, mind you. “Devastating” doesn’t even begin to cover a loss like that.
   

2. Two weeks later, my 87-year-old grandma, Joanie, who was incredibly healthy for her age, was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma. She died 6 weeks later. Again, a gut-wrenching tragedy that's impossible to mentally prepare for. It was awful.

   
   

Do you know what I'm going to say next?

I'm not looking for any sympathy or a pat on the back, but even during extremely dark times, I remained committed to the promise I made to myself. How? I just did. I had to.

It taught me that I don't need to "escape" reality to get through hard times. And I quickly learned I was much stronger than I thought.

I would be lying if I said the past few years have been easy, but sitting with my feelings isn't nearly as scary as I thought it would be.

You might be wondering how I've coped or what I've replaced alcohol or other substances with.

Welllll...

• I drink tons of coffee.

• I drink gallons of sparkling water.

• I work. A LOT.

• And the support of friends, family, and my community (the trifecta) has kept me going.

• Rinse and repeat.

I've always been a hard worker, but my habits started to change after my grandma's diagnosis. She spent her last weeks at home with hospice care, and I visited her nearly every day— laptop always in hand, day or night. I realized pretty quickly that work was therapeutic for me because it kept my mind occupied.

Have I been called a workaholic? Yes! Does it bother me? Not really. I mean, I can think of worse things to obsess over. I love working, and I love staying busy. You might even say that I feel a constant need to be doing something.

My next goal is to find a happy medium between work, my personal life, and resting.

To be continued...

OK, so the coffee and sparkling water thing. I didn't even start drinking coffee until about five years ago. Isn't that crazy? It made me feel insanely anxious, so I avoided it like the plague. Maybe it's the combination of Lexapro and Wellbutrin, but coffee has the opposite effect on me now. And I like it!

Again, finding a happy medium is key here. I know caffeine is addictive, but for now, coffee will be part of my life. PERIOD. 😄

Let's briefly talk about sparkling water. I swear, it's also addictive, but in a normal, hydrating kind of way. In fact, I have several close friends who also swear by it post-sobriety.

It's interesting how dopamine affects our brain when we replace an old dopamine source with something as simple as black cherry sparkling water. And guess what? It works. I drink at least three cans a day, and it always feels like a treat.

Something else I've poured myself into the past few years? My house. I bought it one year after getting sober, and it has been a huge blessing. HUGE. The projects are endless (in a good way), and my love for decorating and hunting for vintage treasures has only intensified— if you can believe it.

Oh, and before I forget, there are two important things I want to mention. When people imagine a life of sobriety, a couple of fears tend to pop up. Things like::

1. "Social events won't be fun anymore."

2. "I will lose my creative side."

   
   

Big, massive spoiler alert: Those statements are false.

Going out to a bar is literally the furthest thing from my mind now. During my first year of sobriety, if someone had asked me to go out, I would have politely said, "No, thanks."

But over time, you get so used to it that it becomes normal. These days, it's rare for me to go out, but as long as I have a drink in my hand or nearby, I'm fine.

Do I still have fun in social situations? Of course! Do you know why? The longer you stop doing something, the less you think about it, and the easier it gets.

Also, it’s worth asking yourself: What does “fun” actually mean to me? You'd be surprised how mundane activities (and things you never thought you would love doing) actually are... fun. This goes back to the dopamine source I mentioned earlier.

Let's discuss the creative part for a minute. I can't stress enough how much my creative side has soared since getting sober. Between working on my house and my side hustle (lol—buying and reselling vintage), I've never felt more creative. Why? Because my mind is clearer. And it shows.

Something really encouraging happened a couple of years ago: The Sober Movement. Gen Z has an entirely different outlook on alcohol than millennials did in the early 2000s. Has sobriety become... cool? I think so.

Was it cool three and a half years ago when I made the switch? Not even close.

But it's pretty incredible if you think about it. The majority of my friends don't drink anymore. We have a new outlook on life and what makes us happy. It's INCREDIBLE. Did I ever think I'd be saying any of this? No way. But I'm so thankful I get to say it today.

Remember when I mentioned accountability earlier? Well, I decided to take it a step further last year: 10-8-21. ❤️

A lot of difficult things happened after I got sober. But the number of good things that have happened since October 8th, 2021? An abundance.

And honestly, I don't think most of the amazing things that have happened in my life would've happened otherwise.

And now, here I am—writing this blog post in the backyard of my rock house with Norman sleeping peacefully by my side. I did it.

xoxo, Jacki